Alter Ego's & Ingrid Michaelson

"I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife
on an island in the blue bay,
he will take care of me
he will smell like the sea,
and close to my heart he'll always stay

I will bear three girls
all with strawberry curls,
named Ella and Nelly and Fay,
while I'm combing their hair
I will catch his warm stare
on our island in the blue bay

Far away, far away,
I wanna go far away,
to a new life on a new shoreline,
where the water is blue
and the people are new,
to another island
in another life"

Today is a dreary, blustery March day.  I am listening to this song by Ingrid Michaelson and dreaming.  What is the appeal of this song?  What is the appeal of running away and starting over?

To me there's an element of romance to it all.  Of movie-esqe-ness.  Add in a dallop of "there's got to be something more" and there you have it--we all dream of something bigger and better.

This is a path I can find myself going down often in my thought life.  It always ends the same way though, whether I think it for a split second or an enitre afternoon, I end up realizing that I am living something that is bigger and better!

As a Christian, I know that things are not as they seem. 

I often feel like Clark Kent.  Or anyone else who has an alter ego.  I am working and living in the mundane world, yet all the while I have "the sight", I can "see" things as they truly are.  I am aware of the enemy that's out for me and my family and loved ones and know that there's the potential for a battle around every corner.  Because this is a war!!!  I am waging a war and there is a war being waged against me.  But it's not scary, because even while in the midst of the battle it can seem scary, I know I'm on the side that wins the war.

Oh man...I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!!!!!!!!

I only wish I could communicate this better.

Overwhelmed With Love

Do you ever find yourself completely and totally overwhelmed with God's love for you?

You're just doing something normal, driving to work, flossing your teeth, doing the dishes and then--

WHAM!!!!!!!!

You're suddenly laughing and crying and singing and in wonder of it all.

This happens to me regularly.

This morning I was getting ready for work.  Something I do pretty much every day.  Except this time, as I was curling my eyelashes--BAM!!!!!  I got hit by His love for me again.

I just want to sit in the sunshine and feel the warmth of His love, imagine it's His arms around me.  Or drive in the county with my windows down singing at the top of my lungs of how wonderful He is.

I have never known a better Lover.

Thoughts on God & Nailpolish

God's been speaking to me a lot lately.  This might sound weird, but He's been speaking to me about nailpolish.  I very, very rarely paint my fingernails.  For some reason I've been painting them a lot lately.  My current favorite color is called Sonic Bloom.  But that's besides the point.

This past week was a gorgeous Wisconsin week.  For the first time in moooonths it was sunny and warm for five days in a row.  While 50-55 degrees may not sound warm to some, after months of not even coming close to 30, the 50's are pure magic!

Next to my backdoor is a small patch of dirt that I plant herbs in.  The green onions and chives are already in full growth and all last week I kept wanting to get my hands in the dirt, pull the weeds, feel the earth.  I love that sort of thing.  Yet because my nails were painted, I found myself not doing what I wanted to do, what will need to be done.  I didn't want to mess up my nails.  (This sounds so vain, doesn't it?? hahaha)

So every day I would walk past this small patch of dirt and want to get my hands dirty, yet I made it the entire week without doing so.

God began talking to me about this, and how I can be like this with things in the spiritual as well.  I can put things on myself that make me feel good, look good, that help me play the role of who I think I'm supposed to be in a situation.  And I can feel nervous or afraid when situations arise that threaten those things.

But God didn't make me to be those things.  They are things I've put on myself.

He spoke so clearly to me about how all I need to do is obey Him and keep my hand to the task at hand.  And I don't need to be afraid of things that I've built crumbling around me.  Because the only things that are going to be chipped away and stripped off are the things that I've put on myself, not who He's said I am.  The things He's done in me and put in me will stand.

It's funny how easy it is to sing songs that say all I want is Him and it's so easy to say He's everything.  Yet when He challenges something I cling to that I think has value or importance, I can be so hard to convince that He's right.  It's always hard to give up things we love, or to see things in us we've spent years building come crashing down.  Yet ultimately He is all I want and all I need. 

He is everything.

So even though it might hurt as things are being chipped away at, I know that I'm only being made to look more and more like Him. 

And that is truly worth living for.

808's and Heartbreak

I don't really know what an 808 is, and I'm not currently experiencing heartbreak, but I have been listening to that Kanye West CD a lot lately.  I think it's the warmer weather.  There's something about when it finally hits 50 degrees and everyone's driving with their windows down, and motorcycles are out, and you take walks by the lake again, and bust out the grill, that makes you want to just play music with a lot of bass and beats very LOUDLY in your car.

It can't be just me, can it??

I've been thinking about this blog a lot.  Well, let's not get carried away, not A LOT a lot, just a lot.  (What?!  It makes sense to me!)  I feel like I never know what to write about.  What I mean is, I know what to write about when things are happening, but when it's just the day to day life, I'm at a loss.  Granted some would argue that that IS what you should be writing about, I think I should be writing about something of at least some interest to somebody somewhere, even if it's just myself.

Does that mean my life bores me?

No.  I don't know that I've ever felt bored with life.  I love life!  Maybe I just have too high of expectations of life?

I had no idea where this entry would go, but I did not see this philisophical nonsense coming.  I feel slightly shocked by myself.  hahaha...hmmm...

Here's what I know:

-I am 31 years old.
-I work at a bank.
-I am not someone who I could ever imagine to work in a bank.
-I enjoy my job.
-I never imagined I'd enjoy this job, I thought I'd hate it and was scared to take the job, but it's now going on 3 years.
-I am a Christian.
-That is the most important thing in my life.
-I live with my brother, his wife, their 2 young boys, there's another one on the way (!!!), and Amanda who we know from church.
-I love the color orange.
-I love all color and lots of it honestly, but orange holds a special place.
-I love coffee and tea.
-If I don't drink enough water during the day I worry I'm becoming dehydrated.
-That was a strange thing to admit, it just came out.
-I like plants.
-I have 8 plants in my bedroom, which sounds like way more than it looks like.
-I only paid for 2 of them.
-2 were gifts.
-2 were leaves that I accidently cut off plants at work and are now full blown plants themselves.
-1 is from a funeral.
-1 is from a trimming off a friends plant that I liked.
-I also have 2 dead plants in my room that just recently died for no apparent reason after years of happily living with me.  I guess we all have our time.
-And I do have a plant that's at my dad's house.  He was caring for it for me because the cat liked it and ate it all the time.  The cat died this past summer, but he still has my plant, which is fine because I'm not sure where I'd put it at this time.  And I dogsit for him every Monday night, so I get to say hi to it on a regular basis.
-I have patio lights hung in my room.  I love them.
-I enjoy reading.  I do it a lot.
-I just finished a book today.  I'm excited for the new book I start tomorrow.  It's a Christian book.  I never read Christian books.  I can feel bored by them.  I suppose because I like to read for entertainment, not for knowledge.  Is that weird?  I just like to get lost in the stories, not to think about my own.  Hmm...that doesn't sound healthy does it...
-I would like to be a writer by profession.  As a career.
-I have no clue how to do that, or what that would look like.
-I do think that not knowing what to write about hinders that.
-Have you seen the movie Mixed Nuts?  There's this wall artist in that movie who can never do his art because he doesn't have a wall to do art on.  I can relate to that.
-The other part of me can be annoyed by that.  If you want to do something, DO IT!!!  Stop waiting for the perfect opportunity.  I mean, people who do things by nature, naturally do what it is they want to do.
-Wait.  Does that mean I DON'T want to be a writer?

So you see, only confusion and vain self searching can come from not knowing what to write about.

(Man do I crack myself up sometimes!)

Let's face it

I'm never going to write an update about my Green Bay trip.  And by writing that I would I've been afraid of my blog, so I'm just going to say the trip was amazing, I had a blast, and learned that I really do love my own company!

That said, here's a fun story for ya.

***

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They emailed.

They emailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!'

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'

God just shrugged and said,

'JESUS SAVES.'