It's funny how Christmas is so exciting to me and yet it also carries an element of sadness. The element of sadness comes in because I can feel alone, and at Christmas it's just highlighted so much more. All the Christmas songs everywhere, all the movies everywhere, I mean is anyone NOT in love at Christmastime?? I like those things, no I love those things, but they don't help me much in this area.
I struggle with this.
I struggle with wondering if loneliness is okay to feel as a Christian. I've talked (not recently) to my brother John about this and he doesn't think there's anything wrong with feeling loneliness, it's just when it consumes you and begins defining you that it's a problem. That brings me comfort. It does not, however, give me peace about feeling lonely.
As Christians, we have everything we need for life and godliness. We are whole and complete in Christ. We are already all these things and yet there is a sanctification process. I've heard it stated multiple times that we live in an 'already but not yet' Kingdom. I agree whole heartedly with that and it makes complete sense to me. But I still don't really think Christians should be lonely. It just seems like such a selfish emotion, maybe that's my problem with it. When I feel lonely I get angry at myself because I shouldn't be lonely for a mate, I should be longing for Jesus. And yet He's clearly placed this desire within me and spoken words to me about whomever "he" is...see my dilemma?
Maybe my frustration simply lies in that I find myself looking forward to marriage and having a family so much more this time of year than I do any other time of year. As a singleton, my focus should be on God, the Lover of my soul, not what could potentially be in my life, but what is in my life.-Jesus, my wonderful family, my nephews, amazing friends, my great church.
I guess what it all comes down to is that at the end of the day, I drive home by myself to my own bedroom and lay down in my own bed...and sometimes it's cold in there.
