Nunsense

I waited on a nun at work the other day. 

Thoughts that went through my head:

'I could never do that, choose to be alone like that......but I am alone, maybe it would be easier to choose to be alone rather than fight it like crazy and keep kicking against the goads......maybe it'd just be easier to "give in" to being alone......but then what if in my resigning to it I miss my spouse, my best friend?......why have I never been in a relationship?......I don't know how to do that......I went straight from "good Christian girl who doesn't date" to "sure, I'll do that with you".  There was every boundary and then no boundaries.  I can only relate to the extremes, not to the relationship aspect......how do I do that?......I don't know how.'

So the long and short of this story is...don't wait on a nun when you're single, feeling lonely and have just turned 31.

HA!

A Winter Poem

It's winter here in Wisconsin,
And the gentle breezes blow,
Seventy miles an hour,
At twenty-five below.
Oh, how I love Wisconsin,
When the snow's up to your butt,
You take a breath of winter,
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
So, I guess I'll hang around,
I could never leave Wisconsin,
My ass is frozen to the ground!

(Don't get me wrong, I LOVE winter, but found this "poem" hilarious!)

The List

A few friends of mine are writing out lists of 52 things they would like to do this year with the goal of doing one thing per week.  It got me to thinking of what my list would look like.  Some of these things may not work out practically due to finances and allotted vacation time, but either way it's a list.

Here's what I've got so far--


List Of Things I Would Like To Do In 2010


-Accumulate $2000 in my savings.
-Loose 100lbs.
-Develop a heathier, more active lifestyle.
-Take an overnight trip somewhere by myself (even if just one night).
-Read through the Old Testament.
-Read a minimum of 2 books a month.
-Cultivate tidiness and organizational skills.
-Purge my physical belongings even more.
-Go to Chicago.
-Go to Milwaukee.
-Go to Madison?
-Study the gift of healing, fan it into flame.
-Speak a new tongue.
-Learn Zumba.
-Own a bikini.
-Paint my dresser/end table/tv stand/chair.
-Paint my bedroom?
-Visit Nikki in Lake City, MI.
-Visit Kristen in St. Charles, IL.
-Memorize a minimum of 12 new Scriptures.
-Develop punctuality.
-Ride my bike.
-Go hiking with dad.
-Rediscover my love of watercoloring.
-Go on a coffee date.
-Participate in every Twilight Market of the summer season.
-Reread all of SARK's books.
-Go with Molly back to her home in Seymour, WI.
-Go to Door County.
-Stay in a Bed & Breakfast somewhere.
-Write a poem/short story a month.
-Learn the "Single Ladies" dance.

I'm not at 52, but it seems like a rather full plate, and it inspires me!!  Who knows, maybe I'll actually do some of these now that they're in writing and not just floating around in my head!

Reflections

It comes naturally to me to reflect on the past year at the new year. I also have a birthday coming up on the 13th of this month, so I think I become extra reflective this time of year.

Things that have happened this past year that I am so thankful for.

January—My dad came back to Jesus with open arms and a humble heart. This is huge. The short of it is, I was raised in a Christian home, my dad was the pastor of a local church. When I was 14 my parents divorced and for whatever reason my dad fell out of relationship with the Lord. Not that I think I'm in anyway better than my brothers, but they had the sense to distance themselves from dad at that time. I refused. I was with him through so much crap. I grew up the first half of my life in the church and the second half in seedy bars with strange drunk men. Dad broke my heart but I refused to let him be. We struggled with faith together. Before I get too far gone, let me just say that after sixteen (sixteen!) years away from his True Love, he returned with full force last January!!!

Words cannot express the thankfulness in this little girls heart.

February—On Valentine's Day I was in a serious car accident. I was driving 65mph down a local highway when suddenly the car in the lane next to me came over and sideswiped me. Airbags instantly went off and I spun around backwards into an intersection, over the median and into oncoming traffic. I ended up jumping the curb and speeding backwards towards a gas station. The other car ended up driving away and never was caught. There were many witnesses. The most damage I occurred was a sprained wrist, burns on my hands from the airbags deploying and whiplash (not even super serious whiplash according to the chiropractor). The officers on the scene were so shocked. The just kept saying how they never see a car spin through an intersection OR into oncoming traffic and not get hit multiple times. I did both and didn't get hit once. When I go back and look at that intersection, there are so many light poles, street signs, streetlights, ect...it is truly amazing that I didn't even hit any of those things! Not to mention I came out on top of my car loan and had enough left over for the down payment on my new car, which is a bazillion times better (nicer, safer, cooler) than my old car. And because my brother works at Carmax, I got the family discount on my car and instead of it costing me $10,500, it only cost me $7,500!!! God is so amazing.

May—My baby brother got married to one of my best friends!!! She's from England and they told her (after all their 'testing' to make sure they were truly in love and not just trying to get her a green card) that it would take 3-6 months or longer to get her green card in the mail. She got it 2 weeks later.

August—My finances have always been a wreck. I am a bit of what you might call a free spirit, and treat my finances no different than anything else in my life. This has caused stupid things to happen, like $50 medical bills to go into collections, and for me to be a 30 year old grown woman working at a bank and still live paycheck to paycheck. Something clicked in me this year and I realized that I can't keep running to mom and dad every time I get a flat tire or something. I also realized that married or not, I would like to eventually own my own home. I also realized I don't know how to do any of this. My sister-in-law (whom I conveniently live with) decided to put me through financial boot camp. Starting August 1, 2009, I have been financially responsible. It has been hard, grueling, amazing and wonderful. I am on a strict plan that will be loosening up a bit come February, because then I'll have spending money!!! I am proud to say I have a (small but bigger than I've ever had) balance in my checking account AND I have a savings account now (that has money in it!!!). This is a much bigger deal than I'm making it out to be. God has been ridiculously faithful to me in this. It's almost comical.

October—Like I said earlier, I work at a bank. A small, locally, privately owned bank. You know, the kind that have been folding left and right in this economy. My job has been riddled with uncertainty, fear, worry and sheer terror since October of 2008. That's a looooooong year. Coworkers were being let go left and right, everyone was super tense every day, and there I was, clinging to God's word to me that I was where he wanted me and I wasn't to leave. Let me tell you, I questioned him on that one every day. It's a scary place to be. But yet I had unyielding peace, even when the worry and fear would get to me. October 23rd was a Friday. Twenty minutes before close we got a phone call. The Feds were on their way. The bank had been sold. They couldn't tell us anymore information, we just had to wait for the Feds. I was crapping my pants. Long story short, yes, we were bought by another bank. However, they kept every single employee. And they're an amazing bank. They're in the 95th percentile of banks in the ENTIRE country!!! That means only 5% of banks in the NATION are doing better than them!!!! I am suddenly in the most secure job I've ever had. And I love my new employers!! God blows my mind repeatedly. It's amazing I even have one left.

2009 was a banner year for me. Way to end the decade! Can't wait to see what the new one holds!

So This Is Christmas

It's funny how Christmas is so exciting to me and yet it also carries an element of sadness.  The element of sadness comes in because I can feel alone, and at Christmas it's just highlighted so much more. All the Christmas songs everywhere, all the movies everywhere, I mean is anyone NOT in love at Christmastime?? I like those things, no I love those things, but they don't help me much in this area.

I struggle with this.

I struggle with wondering if loneliness is okay to feel as a Christian. I've talked (not recently) to my brother John about this and he doesn't think there's anything wrong with feeling loneliness, it's just when it consumes you and begins defining you that it's a problem. That brings me comfort. It does not, however, give me peace about feeling lonely.

As Christians, we have everything we need for life and godliness. We are whole and complete in Christ. We are already all these things and yet there is a sanctification process. I've heard it stated multiple times that we live in an 'already but not yet' Kingdom. I agree whole heartedly with that and it makes complete sense to me. But I still don't really think Christians should be lonely. It just seems like such a selfish emotion, maybe that's my problem with it. When I feel lonely I get angry at myself because I shouldn't be lonely for a mate, I should be longing for Jesus. And yet He's clearly placed this desire within me and spoken words to me about whomever "he" is...see my dilemma?

Maybe my frustration simply lies in that I find myself looking forward to marriage and having a family so much more this time of year than I do any other time of year. As a singleton, my focus should be on God, the Lover of my soul, not what could potentially be in my life, but what is in my life.-Jesus, my wonderful family, my nephews, amazing friends, my great church.

I guess what it all comes down to is that at the end of the day, I drive home by myself to my own bedroom and lay down in my own bed...and sometimes it's cold in there.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

And I'm completely swamped!!!

But I do miss you blogosphere...

I will find time for you soon!

Tennessee

Well we made it!

Yesterday my brother Luke, his wife Heather, their two boys Noah & Declan and myself set out for my Aunt Karen & Uncle Dan's house in south east Tennessee. 

Here's a rundown of the trip:

Time left the house-5:04am

Time got onto the interstate after getting gas-5:24am

Distance travelled in miles-683

Distance travelled in hours-13

Number of stops made-6

Average time of stops for children to run around in minutes-18

Number of stops made and the gas tank was refilled-3

Number of status updates to Facebook made via my phone-6

States we were in yesterday-Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee

Number of states whose liscence plates were seen on drive-22 + 2 Canadian Territories = 24

Breakdown of number of states liscense plates seen-
Alabama-4
Florida-5
Georgia-3
Illinois-countless
Indiana-countless
Iowa-7
Kentucky-countless
Maine-5
Missouri-4
Mississippi-2
Michigan-11
Minnesota-2
North Carolina-4
Oklahoma-4
Ohio-7
Ontario, Canada-3
Pennsylvania-1
South Carolina-2
Saskatchewan, Canada-1
Tennesee-countless
Utah-1
Wisconsin-countless
Washington-2
West Virginia-3

Hardest city name to pronounce-Nlix

Best road name-Sugar Limb Road

Foreign cities passed-Athens, London, Somerset, Paris

Best hotel name-Relax Inn

Things I forgot I knew about the south-They love christmas almost as much as they love fireworks.

Most confusing car-The Ford Taurus with 4 Mac stickers.  It just seems wrong putting Mac stickers on a Ford Taurus.

Best bumper sticker-There was an escort taxi service vehicle with "WARNING! ERRATIC LANE CHANGES" covering the entire rear window.  And it did erratically change lanes repeatedly and for no real reason.

Prettiest city-Once again goes to Louisville, Kentucky.  Who knew it was so pretty there?!?  Of course I forgot to take pictures of it because I was too busy looking at it.  Something to aim for on the trip back I guess.

Funniest roadside sign-"Watch For Falling Rocks!" followed by "Move All Damaged Vehicles To The Side Of The Road Immediately"  as if by chance you survived a massive rock falling off a mountain and onto your car that you would be in any sort of shape to then physically push your car WITH the rock on it to the side of the road.

Time pulled into Uncle Dan & Aunt Karen's driveway-6:21pm (time adjusted to central time zone.  it was 7:21pm in TN time)

Number of tacos consumed by entire family at Taco Tuesday .79 taco night-26