oh dear lord...

I was just helping an older black gentleman(OBG) at work. We had the following conversation.



OBG: "You have any babies?"

Me: "Uhh...no."

OBG: "I know it's rude to ask a lady, but how old are ya?"

Me: (laughing) "Thirty"

OBG: "What?!?!? Thirty and no babies?!? How'd ya manage that???"

Me: "Quite easily really..."

OBG: "Don't ya have a man?"

Me: "No, but thanks for asking"

OBG: "Well why dontcha??"

Me: "I don't know...haven't found the right one yet I guess."

OBG: "Do ya go to church?"

Me: "Yes, I go to Living Light."

OBG: "Well good for you! You don't want any ole guy anyways, you wanna man, ya know? Ya know the difference dontcha? Any ole guy will just do what he wants with ya, but a man, a man will love ya and cherish ya and take care of ya. That's what you want."

Me: "Yes sir, that is what I want."

OBG: "Well then, you just keep on lovin' on Jesus ya hear? The Bible says 'A man who finds a wife finds a good thing', but it don't say nothin' about a woman findin' a man. That's because woman's supposta be lovin' on Jesus with all they's heart and then a man will find her and it will be a good thing."

Me: "huh...I never thought of it that way."

OBG: "well you have a good day now ya hear, and have a great 4th of July!"

Me: "You too, thank you."



Random...

A Funny Thing Happened to me at the Grocery Store

So last night I went to dinner at Lisa’s and hung out with her for the evening (John was working til 10:30).



She asked me if I could pick up some chicken breasts and cumin since she doesn’t have a car and she needed them for what she was making. So I got off of work at 6:15ish, went home and changed and went to Pick ‘N Save.



I get the cumin and go to get the chicken breasts. There is a very good looking man also looking at the chicken breasts. I notice he’s not wearing a ring. I’m going back and forth debating the best purchase. Lisa said she needed about 4 chix breasts. There are only packages of 3 or 6. As I’m pricing them, I notice he’s doing the exact same thing. We sort of smile and say hi, as you do when someone is standing next to you looking at the same packages of chicken you are. He picks up the 3 pack, I pick up the 6 pack. Again we sort of smile and I say, “You know, the 3 pack is $6.49 and the 6 pack is only $8.04. Chicken freezes really well, it’s only a buck fifty more for 3 more pieces. This is the better deal if you’re interested.” He smiles and says, “You’re right, I’ll go with one of those packs as well. Thanks!” I just say “Sure!” and go about my shopping.

I look at the shampoo because I almost need some, but decide against buying it there because it’s way cheaper at Walmart. I go to the liquor department to buy a bottle of wine to have with dinner. Cute Guy is in the liquor department too. He smiles and says “Hi”, I laugh and say “Hello again”. Whatev…I pick out a bottle and get in line. He is in line right behind me. So there we are, standing in the same line with our family packs of chicken, me with wine, him with a 6 pack. We’re small talking about our chicken and alcohol. After I’m checked out, I’m bagging my few items. He finishes checking out and doesn’t bag his. We end up walking out at the same time. We’re both sort of looking at each other and laughing about our weird shopping experience. Turns out he was literally parked in the spot RIGHT NEXT to me. Again we just laugh, get in our cars and drive off.



I swear if I wasn’t a Christian I would have said, “Do you believe in fate? How about you just come over and have a drink while I cook us some chicken?”



I MEAN SERIOUSLY!!! These things don't just happen, do they???

LOVE THESE!!!

These clogs are GORGEOUS!!! I would love a pair.

The only problem is deciding which ones...my favorites are Kaleidoscope and Woodstock.

I think I'm going to start saving up for a pair!

http://theswanx.com/hand-paintedclogs.aspx

Convenience?

The bathroom lights at my work are motion sensored.

I can never decide if I like that or not.

On the one hand, it's one less thing to touch in a public restroom so you have more peace of mind that you're not unwittingly contracting swine flu, mononucleosis, dysentry or chlamydia.

But on the other hand, every time I'm doing my business (or if you prefer a little bank humor, making my "deposit"), I find myself fervently waving my arms around in the air like my life depends on it.

You see--the timers on these light sensors are set for approximately 5.2 seconds. So while you're in the middle of your thing, not only do the lights go off, but the fan with it. So then you're just sitting in the middle of the bank doing your deed and everyone will know it because there is no more noise reduction (or venthilation for that matter!).

And then, while I'm sitting there, waving my arms in the air like a maniac, in the public restroom at the bank, I start getting the giggles.

I swear my coworkers think I'm nuts.

I mean would you think you're coworker was crazy if every time she went to the bathroom you heard her laughing maniacally and when she came out of the bathroom she was out of breath and sweating?

You know...I think I'd rather risk flipping the switch.

Writing Exercises Pt.1

I've joined a writers group. I'm very excited about it too. Here are some of the exercises I've done in the past week or so.

~*~

Exercise One
(Write about a time you hid from someone)

I hid for a long time. Right in plain sight. I built my walls so high, and fortified them to be so strong, that nobody was able to conquer them. Oh I laughed and smiled with the best of them, but that wasn't really me. That was the persona, the girl I put forth to reassure them that I was alive and well inside. But I wasn't. Always the life of the party, I didn't have any real friends to turn to. Even family was shut out. You see, I had been hurt. Hurt bad. I was determined to never let that happen again. So I built my fortified city. Slowly at first, in the quiet of the night by candlelight. I'd plot and build. I'd consider every angle. What was the weakest part, what would people see, what would be the best way to prevent it all from happening again. And slowly, gradually, the walls went up. Slow and sure, I callused my heart until it was so hard you couldn't really tell what it was to begin with. And I hid in my fortified city, in the enclaves of my body, for years. I would only come out of my fortified city during the late hours of the night, because raspberry tea would never judge me, candlelight could never hurt me. I would gaze up at the moon for hours in my long, purple skirt and black tank top, dreaming, always dreaming of a time and place where I could be truly free.

~

Exercise Two
(Create a poem using this line from Emily Dickenson: “Bring me the sunset in a cup”)

Bring me the sunset in a cup
Bathe me in the watercolors of the sky
Show me loves unfurling
Wider than the sky, deeper than the sea
And I'll show you how rays of sunlight
can crackle into a thousand pieces
of laughter across a lifetime

*

Bring me the sunset in a cup
Let me drink from the depths
Where water and sun kiss
Bring me the sunset in a cup
Let me know the warmth
of the sun deep within
Bring me the sunset in a cup
Let me see how far you'd traverse to
Show me the depths of your love

*

Bring me the sunset in a cup
Capture for me thunder in a jar
Pull rainbows down from the sky
Bring me the dust of the moon
Direct lightening to my door
Corral the wind into my garden
Perhaps then I might consider your love to be true.

~

Exercise Three
(List 10-20 rules you've broken)

I have used mayonnaise past it's expiration date.
I have driven twice the legal speed limit.
I have put “Air Dry Only” items in the dryer.
I have worn blue and black together.
I have drank alcohol before I was of age.
I have laughed loudly in church and at the library.
I have become friends with the socially inept.
I have gone months without shaving.
I have made cookies without butter.
I have worn too many colors and patterns at the same time.
I have worn sunglasses on cloudy days.
I have mixed the water and the rice together before boiling.
I have steeped my tea longer than a few minutes.
I have taken aspirin on an empty stomach and without milk.
I have given my dog chocolate.
I have washed my “lights” and “darks” together in hot water.
I have not gone to college.
I have not test driven any of the cars I've purchased.
I have sat too close to the TV.

~

Exercise Four
(Write a pure dialogue story. No description. Just dialogue.)

“Hello.”

“Hello.”
“Nice weather today, eh?”
“I hate small talk.”

*

“Stop it.”
“Why?”
“You know I hate it when you flaunt your intellect over me just because you were valedictorian 13 years ago.”
“I do? I thought you loved it, you know, it was part of my charm.”
“No, I'd say it's more a part of your lack of charm”
“Now that's a comeback.”
“I told you to stop it!”

*

“So....I've been thinking, about the other day, you know?”
“At the diner?”
“Yeah.”
(pause)
“Okay...”
“Well, I was just thinking that I think I might know what it is you're looking for out of life.”
“And it's taken you 5 days to get the courage to tell me??”
“Well, yeah, umm...do you know Jesus?”
“I've gotta go to work.”

“Okay bye.”

*

“So Tom told me about something Henry was saying about Gina at work the other day. I mean, I hate to be such a gossip, but apparently she's been seeing Dean from accounting.”
“You have got to be kidding me! Dean?!? I thought he was married?”
“I know, he is! That's just the thing though, supposedly his wife is pregnant by some guy she met at the salon she goes to, and get this, he's a hairdresser!”
“A hairdresser?!? And he's not gay??”
“Tell me about it, I guess Henry thinks he's using Dean's wife as some sort of decoy, you know, to hide the truth from his parents.”
“Oh my god. Is that ice clinking I hear?”“Sure is! I just made a fresh pitcher!”
“I'm on my way, this is too good, I need to know more! Do you need me to bring the limes?”

*

“Hello, did you find everything you needed okay?”
“Sure, sure, thanks”
“Can I interest you in some of these AA batteries? They're on sale.”
“No thanks.”
“Are you sure? AA batteries can really come in handy.”
“No really, I'm okay, just the ice cream.”
“Well alright, but AA batteries are one of those things you always think you have and then one day little johnny's fire engine stops flashing it's lights and when you go to get the AA batteries you realize, 'oops! I guess I should have bought those AA batteries when they were on sale and that nice cashier recommended them to me'”
“Look jerk, my wife is in the hospital, our baby just died, she barely made it out alive herself. All she wants is the freaking rocky road ice cream. Little johnny's lights went out about 14 hours ago. If you really want me to buy the damn batteries because you're getting some sort of incentive for how many packs of half-dead-on-sale batteries you can sell to idiots like me, then go ahead, ring me up. Because I couldn't give a flying flip about your stupid sales technique. Just give me my ice cream and let me get back to my deflated wife.”
“Uhh...that'll be $5.84, just the ice cream.”
“Thank you.”
“Well...have a nice day!”

*

“I'm thinking of piercing my nose.”
“You'd really do that?”
“Sure, except it's against the dress code at work.”
“Then what's to think about?”
“Hey, I'm not letting the man keep me down!”
“Well, okay, but when 'the man' fires you, who's going to be keeping you, ya know...not down?”
“I thought you were my friend.”

*

“I know it's only been a month, but I was thinking of asking Jim out to dinner.”
“Why? Why would you do that to me?”
“Well it's not like we've been that great of friends lately. I didn't think it'd be a big deal.”
“Oh it's a big deal alright! Ask him out and we won't be great friends or even acquaintances ever again. I mean come on! You've been my best friend ever since our mothers shared a room on the birthing floor of the hospital! Why would you be so insensitive to me? You know he's the first guy I've ever loved.”
“Alright.”
“I'm so glad you've seen my point, I don't know what I'd do without you, lets never grow apart ever again, okay?”
“Umm..I meant that as in 'alright I'll never talk to you again'.”

~

Exercise Five
(Use all of the following in a short poem: “as dense as London fog”; “a slice of solace”; “like oil and water”; “wound the clock”; “receding as you please”)

Searching for a slice of solace
in the midst of the mall.
People surround me,
as dense as London fog.
Clastrophobic's and the mall mix
about as well as oil and water.
I can feel the oxygen in my chest,
tight as a freshly wound clock.
If only this crowd was like the ocean
before the tide comes in--
receding as you please.

~

Exercise Six
(Write a 16 line poem, rhyming or non-rhyming, about a moment from your childhood that changed your life for the better)

Ten years old
purple 10 speed bike
hot pink, yellow and orange
noise makers on the wheels

Now they will see!
All those boys in the neighborhood
will know that a girl,
(a girl!) will be the fastest on her bike!

Here we go.
25th Avenue.
The only brick road left in town.
Everyone falls on this road.

Steady. Ready. GO!
Wind whips, sun blinds
legs burn, boys yell,
girl wins!!!

~*~

December 15, 2008

Hmm...well, that didn't last long! I did manage to loose 22lbs in my month and a half of dieting, and I've maintained that even though I'm not doing what I need to be doing. My good friend Wendy and I have agreed to work out together 3 times a week for the entire month of January. We're going to have a competition of sorts to see who can lose 30lbs the fastest! I am very excited about that. For now, I'll just enjoy the holiday season for what it is and continue to try and watch portion sizes even though I'll still be enjoying homemade goodies.

On the non-weight part of my life, my brother is getting married to one of my best friends! Very exciting.

I'm going to attempt to post more regularly, even though I don't think anyone reads this. Ha!

Day 11

7/6/08
Day 11

Breakfast

1 slice Whole Wheat bread--90 Calories
1 tbsp Peanut Butter--90 Calories
1 small Banana--90 Calories

Total--270 Calories

*****************************

Lunch

1 slice Whole Wheat bread--90 Calories
5 slices Carl Budding Honey Ham--43 Calories
1/2 slice Cheddar Cheese--55 Calories
1 tsp Mustard--5 Calories
Red Lettuce--0 Calories
3 oz Baby Carrots--35 Calories
1/2 Granny Smith Apple--36 Calories

Total--264 Calories

*****************************

Dinner

1 Totally Tuna Sandwich from Jimmy Johns--502 Calories
Diet Coke--0 Calories

Total--502

*****************************

Snack

1 Vanilla Ice Cream Cone from McDonalds--150 Calories

****************************

Daily Total--1186 Calories